The Shiki Monthly Kukai February 2008 Kukai Dear Haiku Friends, Here are the results for the February 2008 Kukai, wherein our Kigo subject was "Early Spring" and our Free Format word or phrase was "Night Life". Congratulations to Tom Painting, winner of our Kigo section and to Petar Tchouhov, winner of our Free Format section! The haiku are listed in order of total points received from voters. The numbers reflect the number of voters who gave the haiku either three points, two points, or one point -- followed by the total points for all votes. Those who were given less than three points and who requested anonymity in such a case are so noted. In the listing below, after each poem the author is listed, and then a three digit code revealing how many 3-point, 2-point, and 1-point points were cast for this poem by the other participating poets. (214 = 12) would indicate that the poem above received two 3-point votes, one 2-point vote, and four 1-point votes. Voters comments are in italics below the respective poems. February 2008 Results Kigo Theme: Early Spring Free Format Theme: Night Life First Place -- 47 Points early spring all night the pond ice shifts its weight tom painting (6,8,13) = 47 The first contractions have just begun to be felt, but the groaning and heaving, the struggle and drama of full-blown labour are yet to come. How quietly and precisely the poet has pinpointed the exact time (this night) and place (the depths of this pond) of spring's beginning. For me, this really captures the season. Love the sounds, movement, and emotion it evokes. Second Place -- 30 Points early spring green at the heart of an onion j cully (2,6,12) = 30 Onions? Of course, of course. The humble onion, though having been taken far from its home in the earth, nevertheless hears the call of Mother Nature and faithfully responds in its little "heart"! The use of the word "heart" in an unsentimental way expands the dimensions of the haiku brilliantly. Third Place -- 24 Points early spring her wrinkled fingers sort seed packets Yositaka (1,1,19) = 24 Fourth Place – 21 Points early spring the hatless scarecrow Lech Szeglowski (0,3,15) = 21 Brings a smile. Even the scarecrow senses warmer weather! Fifth Place -- 19 Points early spring the crossing guard's smile w. f. owen (1,4,8) = 19 No more standing out in the dreary cold for kids keeping their heads buried in collars - both may bloom with smiles. Such an elegant haiku - a story made out of six plain words and containing great mystery and drama. From where to where is the crossing? Who is crossing? Why? We come to see that the "crossing" in the poem is the moment at which the guard undergoes a "conversion", within himself, from winter to spring. We are led to feel the power of nature's rhythms and the responsive power of hearts. Six-word poems don't come any more power-packed than this! early spring  — fresh twigs line an old nest Melissa Spurr (0,3,13) = 19 "ever-returning spring," concisely and concretely caught. Sixth Place -- 15 Points a stray dog going my way early spring Bill Kenney (1,3,6) = 15 A lovely carefree feeling to this haiku, which goes so well with the season. Full of deep simplicity. Seventh Place -- 12 Points the sound of water as you move through it early spring Josh Wikoff (1,2,5) = 12 I can both hear and feel this... nicely done. Eighth Place -- 11 Points the soil splits above a daffodil early spring gourdman (0,3,5) = 11 early spring we try to grow a little apart George Hawkins (1,3,2) = 11 A poignant haiku. The season of rejuvenation also brings its own sorrow. early spring the butcher wears a daffodil Helen Buckingham (0,3,5) = 11 february winter turns into spring and back max verhart (1,1,6) = 11 early spring a fresh crop of rocks in the vegetable garden Jim Swift (0,2,7) = 11 Ninth Place -- 10 Points early spring… my heart too is thawing john tiong chunghoo (1,1,5) = 10 my daughter's first valentine ~ early Spring Paul Hodder (1,1,5) = 10 Tenth Place -- 9 Points early spring my sightless cat sniffs a remembered path Barbara Snow (1,2,2) = 9 rinsing celery from rib to heart early spring Joyce Clement (0,1,7) = 9 Eleventh Place -- 8 Points fawn's footprints circle snowdrops early spring Harvey Jenkins (0,2,4) = 8 early spring the wind-chime and icicle drip… in unison Terra Martin (0,3,2) = 8 early spring . . . the frayed swing rope feathered with frost Ron Moss (0,1,6) = 8 the weeds get a head start early spring the weeds get a head start early spring Susan Constable (1,0,5) = 8 I prefer the one-breath format. early spring breeze the clothesline all in baby shirts Petar Tchouhov (0,2,4) = 8 frost cradled in the crocuses~ early spring Kate Creighton (0,2,4) = 8 Twelfth Place -- 7 Points A fly wakes suddenly? early spring Vasile Moldovan (1,1,2) = 7 girl in pink dangling from the monkey bars — early spring CPW (0,0,7) = 7 I much like blossoms from bare boughs. "dangling" gets it just right. Very visual -- love the "pink", "dangling", "monkey" -- beautifully expressed. early spring — squirrels run in circles around the stop sign Marylouise Knight (0,1,5) = 7 passing me her perfume early spring Neil Muscott (0,2,3) = 7 Pleasure, heightened by transience. early spring another handwriting in my signature Jerzy (0,2,3) = 7 plum blossoms stuck in my hair ~ early spring Keith A. Simmonds (0,2,3) = 7 Thirteenth Place -- 6 Points early spring branches breathe with the wind Agnes Eva Savich (0,2,2) = 6 I find this a rather curious haiku and actually aren't entirely sure what it mean in real life. Still somehow it seems true that branches, seemingly dead in winter, begin to breathe as their leaf buds begin to swell in spring, while dead boughs, being stiffer, do not. thwacks from the sandlot early spring Alice Frampton (0,1,4) = 6 early spring a vase of pussy willows on the kitchen table Carmel Lively Westerman (0,0,6) = 6 Rubber boots caked with early spring Elaine Fields (0,2,2) = 6 raindrops surf the windshield early spring ruthanne (0,1,4) = 6 early spring kites in the sky adding colors kala ramesh (0,2,2) = 6 early spring ~ a sudden softness in my wooden flute Li Ree (0,1,4) = 6 early spring garden in the earthen pot's bottom a dead butterfly Dorota Pyra (1,1,1) = 6 early spring — morning papers now makeshift umbrellas Shelley (1,1,1) = 6 Vivid and original. Fourteenth Place -- 5 Points early spring  — red noses bloom all across campus Laurene (0,1,3) = 5 early spring thaw places where the dog went all over the yard andrea (0,1,3) = 5 Ok, I admit it, my first thought was of paw prints. I like it that multiple (mis)readings of this are possible. early spring only snow in the trees blossoming rob scott (0,1,3) = 5 early spring sun? sound of his voice is still cold Vanja Nikovic (0,1,3) = 5 early spring — the blackbird's first song still short Tom M. (0,1,3) = 5 the smell of mud from the half frozen creek early spring DeVar (0,1,3) = 5 Fifteenth Place -- 4 Points early spring — my three year old tries mamma's high heels vishnu kapoor (0,1,2) = 4 This warming sun. And how the snow glitters as it vanishes. Horst Ludwig (1,0,1) = 4 early spring an orange bow saw hangs in a tree Keith Heiberg (0,1,2) = 4 Lightning jigsaws the dark  — early spring Marilyn Hazelton (0,1,2) = 4 cruel early spring — scattered on frozen snow a red bird's feathers jill (1,0,1) = 4 Sixteenth Place -- 3 Points crying newborn calls early spring into the house Aalix Roake (0,1,1) = 3 my grandma wears a red geranium early spring again Don Basilio (0,1,1) = 3 early spring a sea breeze rocks the infant's cradle Gautam Nadkarni (0,0,3) = 3 early spring weather the wreath out on the mail box sheds its needles Edward (0,1,1) = 3 darker ? lighter an earthworm retreats into early spring soil Mark Hollingsworth (0,1,1) = 3 fading memories the early spring rain washes out the snow Elena Naskova (0,0,3) = 3 early spring walk a sunray from puddle to puddle Jacek M. (0,0,3) = 3 early spring there next to the snow shovels pots of daffodils doris kasson (0,0,3) = 3 early spring — another 3 inches to shovel LGD (0,0,3) = 3 early spring — my teenaged daughter's cellphone never stops ringing sanjuktaa (0,1,1) = 3 stacks of firewood marked half price early spring Laureen McHugh (0,0,3) = 3 early spring — out of the snow snowdrops Betty (0,0,3) = 3 in the city park green beer bottles  —early spring Piotr Mogri (0,0,3) = 3 a chat with old friends, early spring snow turns to rain and then back again j. blain (1,0,0) = 3 early spring night slowly thawing the moon in silent lake Boris Nazansky (0,1,1) = 3 nursing home visit outside early spring inside dead of winter Roberta Beary (0,0,3) = 3 I read this one as I picked the last page off the printer and thought, "I bet that makes my final list." And so it did. General Comments: So many great haiku to choose from! A refreshingly large number of entries managed to avoid the clichés so easily associated with this kigo. I just wish i had more than 6 pts to give...there are so many good ones, it's difficult to make up one's mind. The submissions this month show why I dislike generic kigo like 'early spring' -- too many poets used an early spring kigo along with the kukai phrase. That's a technical violation called a 'double kigo.' It would be much better to let us suggest the phrase by using early spring kigo. That's how the Free Format kukai worked, and it worked well. First Place -- 27 Points full moon the call girl calls me angel Petar Tchouhov (4,4,7) = 24 This one is well-nigh inexhaustible in its implications. Second Place -- 24 Points nightlife… removing his wedding ring Carol Pearce-Worthington (1,5,11) = 24 True to the mark in that wincing way. Third Place -- 23 Points nightlife district a star falls unnoticed Elena Naskova (1,7,6) = 23 Uncluttered and yet for me the most resonant on several levels in this kukai. Fourth Place -- 20 Points sleepless — headlights drive shadows across the ceiling Jon Baldwin (0,6,8) = 20 I'm sure this is something most of us have experienced. Like the use of 'drive' here. 3am feeding — a light in the bar across the street Alice Frampton (1,7,3) = 20 Of the feeding-the-baby entries (and there were a lot), this is the one that successfully integrates the nightlife theme. A great contrast, well-observed, and concisely stated. I liked the wistful comparison between adult drinking and nursing the baby. Fifth Place – 19 Points grey city morning ~ the pole dancer's sensible shoes Paul Hodder (1,5,6) = 19 from jazz to blues the bottle and I half drunk Francine Banwarth (2,1,11) = 19 A clever play on words. Sixth Place -- 16 Points night life the abrupt stop of a cricket's song kala ramesh (2,2,6) = 16 Seventh Place -- 14 Points phone number on a napkin left at the bar - closing time David Grayson (1,1,9) = 14 Hope springs eternal in the empty glass. Eighth Place -- 13 Points retirement party all the guests gone by midnight Susan Constable (1,2,6) = 13 Of course, back when I was much too young to think of retirement, "gone" was a word of many meanings. Ninth Place -- 12 Points empty night club — a dance of daddy long legs on the ceiling Jacek M. (1,3,3) = 12 Interesting - a waltz perhaps. Beautiful contrast -- the empty night club and the dance of the insects! city dusk the rhythm of cicadas and high heels j. blain (0,4,4) = 12 The similarity of sounds combined with the differences in source make this interesting. Tenth Place -- 11 Points lonely night — she still smiles on the billboard Israel Lopez Balan (0,1,9) = 11 walking home dancing shoes in her hand — dawn approaches bre:^) (0,2,7) = 11 I can see the shoes dangling, swinging... the last little bit of dance. stand-up the laugh       that. . .            doesn't . . .                     come . . . Bill Kenney (1,1,6) = 11 Nice form that conveys even more meaning. truckstop her late shift ends under neon tom painting (1,0,8) = 11 trembling flashlight a final heave and our herd has one more heifer andrea (1,2,4) = 11 Unusual with the flashlight establishing that this is part of nightlife. Wordier, maybe, than I would usually go for, but the image and feel won me over. I like the emotion indicated by 'trembling'. Eleventh Place -- 10 Points nightlife — red neon and drizzle on the slick street Carol Raisfeld (0,3,4) = 10 A vivid picture with the modifier 'slick' hinting that city nightlife may be more dangerous. Twelfth Place -- 9 Points nightlife — the pillow can't talk and I don't Emile Molhuysen (1,1,4) = 9 dark moonless sky — alone with her memory widower's night-life vishnu kapoor (1,1,4) = 9 Siliconed stripper, Why will you not accept my Counterfeit money? Conrad Sienkiewicz (2,1,1) = 9 moist dusk pink neon flickers OPEN Josh Wikoff (1,1,4) = 9 I like the phrase 'moist dusk'. loud blasts from an espresso machine the slam poet Deborah P Kolodji (1,2,2) = 9 Thirteenth Place -- 8 Points the bar closing a businessman alone with his briefcase Neil Muscott (0,3,2) = 8 stormy night — I turn the last page of my old diary Vanja Nikovic (1,1,3) = 8 Fourteenth Place -- 7 Points last call the neon beer signs flicker off JM Thompson (0,0,7) = 7 Fifteenth Place -- 6 Points At midnight not one sound… only an owl Vasile Moldovan (1,1,1) = 6 cornfield mice dancing with the moon fox-trot Ben Gieske (0,2,2) = 6 night alley on a discarded canvas a ballerina twirls john tiong chunghoo (0,2,2) = 6 Sixteenth Place -- 5 Points full moon the rock concert fills my chest Agnes Eva Savich (0,0,5) = 5 late night snack she hides the candy wrappers Carmel Lively Westerman (0,0,5) = 5 we stop our bikes on the crest of the dark hill Orion's sword assu (0,1,3) = 5 coming home — in the deep black sky one star Marylouise Knight (0,1,3) = 5 solo concert in the opera house- stray nightingale Dejan Pavlinovic (1,0,2) = 5 two old dancers recapture lost dreams ~ night life Keith A Simmonds (0,1,3) = 5 I appreciated the simultaneous marking of presence and absence. neon stars . . . a street walker's stilettos in a lonely salsa Ron Moss (1,0,2) = 5 Plop ~ Another frog In deep night Reza-Iran (0,1,3) = 5 Seventeenth Place -- 4 Points a barfly — in tight black spandex rubbing reddened eyes Ed Higgins (0,1,2) = 4 midnight train calls to the black river fog between them April Serock (0,1,2) = 4 I love the damp darkness of this one. barfly… the playing of the rain Helen Buckingham (1,0,1) = 4 street light the same homeless man follows my husband Audrey Downey (0,0,4) = 4 birds sleep on branches while the feeder is emptied by a deer gourdman (0,1,2) = 4 stirring shadows play hide and seek with the moon Rebba (0,1,2) = 4 lullabying wakeful child nightlife Frances McCarthy (1,0,1) = 4 Dark moths flicker against neon beautiful fools Yositaka (0,1,2) = 4 under spring's full moon nocturnal eldritch creatures bid me join their dance Deirdre Godwin (1,0,1) = 4 cold moon through a tear in the shade night life Raffael de Gruttola (0,2,0) = 4 nursing and sleeping waking to nurse again- quite the "night life" Leslie Montgomery (0,1,2) = 4 the weaverbird returns to its nest — nightfall Christopher Kavita (0,2,0) = 4 wolf pack howls inside my snow cave I shiver Ruth Powell (0,1,2) = 4 night club through the cigarette fumes smooth jazz Dorota Pyra (0,0,4) = 4 nightlife: air raid sirens, close and distant Earl Keener (0,1,2) = 4 Eighteenth Place -- 3 Points itch… mosquitoes' nightlife on my skin Tanya Dikova (0,1,1) = 3 fevered dreams — the clock beside the pirate shows 1:15am Laurene (0,0,3) = 3 I adore line 2. Swing Dancers Twirling To Joyous sounds of the band defy winter night Philip Mizener (0,1,1) = 3 street restaurant — shrieks of laughter spill into the night Isabelle Prondzynski (0,1,1) = 3 dimly lit the rise and fall of sheets — Intensive Care Sara Winteridge (0,1,1) = 3 blues club fever~ she undoes one more button as he chews ice cubes Kate Creighton (0,0,3) = 3 day's end — mom and dad snuggle on the loveseat Mary Davila (0,1,1) = 3 laughter — the bar dog goes outside with a smoker Ami (0,1,1) = 3 strains of jazz between slices of gold moon Devika (0,0,3) = 3 mating ritual… moths flock to the neon sign flashing nightclub Nancy Smith (0,0,3) = 3 General Comments: My unabridged dictionary gives only one definition for nightlife: "Social activities or entertainment available or pursued in the evening." It's too bad that so many of this month's entries evaded the challenge of this theme, retreating instead to the safer, more familiar territories of nature and domesticity. (Full disclosure: I'm a city boy.) Thank you for participating in the February 2008 Kukai! We will be posting the March Call for Votes on Monday, March 3rd. With much appreciation, Robert and Gary Participate in the Shiki Monthly Kukai by choosing a link below How it Works Most Recent Results Current Kukai Topics Kukai Archives An explanation of how the kukai functions. The results of our most recent month! Click here to learn about THIS month's kukai. Previous month's results.